Saturday, April 25, 2009

5 years ago i came to KL , with a big hope, with a big dream, with a lot of confidence that i will make it big, find my soul mate, get a job with a big multinational, climb up fast while along the way learn a lot of new things and valuable experience which would one day be useful for me to build my own business , a business that would not only make a lot of money but a business that will change lives and make a difference, something innovative, something never thought of, and along the way i will find the gal of my life, someone i long to share my life with and be happy with for the rest of my life, someone after a busy day and when i come home to, i can look into her eyes and remember what is life all for.

5 years after i am far from what i dreamt , i have long forgotten my dream and lost the courage to live for it,everyday feeling that something is missing, feeling depressed,if i look deeper it's not that it's something i can never do, god has shown me the way , he gave me opportunities, he let me meet this wonderful girl who i have grown to love and care for over the years ,he gave me a job with a big multinational with lots of very capable and smart people i can learn from, he gave me the key, he shown me he way, but i have only stayed by the sideline and feel sorry for myself, i don't have the courage to try, the faith to believe, the will to struggle but only stand by the side and complain bout life, i pray, i will have the faith to believe, the will to persevere an the courage to live my life from today onwards.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

As I stand on my balcony
and gaze upon a thousand lights far away
the cold winds chills my bones
but the thought of you warms my heart

As i gaze beyond
i see a dream
a dream of you and me
side by side
hand in hand
heart to heart

From happiness to sadness
from calm to storm
from the mountains to the oceans
from dawn to dusk
we will never be alone

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Another day has passed by, again I am filed with regrets with what I have done, what I have said, I have squandered another precious day, not being what I want to be, what I should be. I let fear took hold of me, I let residue of the past blurred my thoughts. Frustrated again I didn’t take hold of my own life, not living in faith. I let circumstances take charge of me, I let it drove me away from me. I am jus another passer by looking at my own life being driven. Tomorrow or days later, everything will be ok again; I would be given another chance at life. I will grow complacent again, I would do the same, driven again, until I crash. I am destroying myself over and over .I am stuck in a moment I can’t get out off. Lord what shall I do to break free? Guide me lord, never let me give up.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

3.17 a.m , i can't sleep, i gaze out of my balcony, they were stars, far away lightning flashing down.. but i can't hear any sound, such a surreal sight.Such power and might , it's strikes fears right into the heart...What has happen to me? Have i pussied out, what happen to the me which was so full of passion, so full confident that i felt the world is mine for the taking.where did the fire inside me go?where was the nick that grab life by it's horn and went full steam ahead, chasing his dream, striving for what he wanted.

Has work imprisoned me? has relationship shadowed me? that i can't no longer feel myself. Do i belong here?why do i put up with my boring mundane work..a waste of my life...why is there hesitation to just go out and grab what i want.what have became of many thousand others, rushing, fearing, worrying and chasing someone else's dream.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Wind of change

Change can be exciting, especially when were bored with our current state of life,we yearn for something new.Change is also a double edge sword, Often we fear change, especially changes that are not expected, changes which we can't predict the consequences.It brings uncertainty into life, rarely with optimism which would help us see things in a more positive perspective, but often with paranoia, thinking of the worst that can happen.Personally for me,i fear change which would affect the people i hold dear in my heart.Changes which bring distance in between and status quo.I fear myself,I fear change that would subject me to behave in ways i would regret later.Change that would make me into the person i once dread to be.

Being a Christian we are always taught to embrace change, trust in him, god knows better than us.Everything is in his grand plan.We are to face uncertainty in his peace.Maybe i am a man of little faith.My head knows i should be in his peace in face of uncertainty, but my heart differs.Not with certainty and courage i say...i will struggle to be in his peace, but with doubt and fear, with imperfection, by his grace, may he mold me, to trust him more.To have unshakable peace and trust in my heart.

Friday, April 27, 2007

point of origin

1st day 26th April
Here i am again, my home, my root, my birth,the starting point of my life.
Away from distractions ,work, peer influence, pressure,worries,circumstances, confusion, schedules and wishful desires.A place where i'll look back,with a clear point of view.Rediscovering me.A peril to a journey of thought and decisions.

Five for fighting - 100 years

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Alive again...

A lot has happened , my soul broken,spirit tired, my faith shattered, passion dried, courage subsided, creativity stiffened, a life with out meaning, a life in fear.i've forgotten who i am, what i stand for.

Alive, Alive , Alive...risen again i shall be , my soul fed,my faith stronger, passion fumed by fire, courage given,creativity flow again...for blessed i am by he who is blessed.Wisdom and peace he shall bestow upon me.Side by side he shall stand for eternity.Forgiven i am.From ashes i will rise, to once again serve him.Amen.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Many dreams, many hopes, many broken ones...they have all broken me in some way, i'm no more the person i use to be.I lost a big part of is time again to retreat home, to find my root again, to find wat i stand find my zeal, oh sweet home, my sanctuary i'm coming home.....

Sunday, November 05, 2006

He and She
Two different person, same value, same believes, changed by different experience, thus different perspective to life, different interpretation of the same value. One has big dreams and aspirations; one is practical and down to earth. One keeps planning, one keeps doing, one is very analytical on the details, and one is very much on ideas. He believe their different but complimentary character will bring them far, he believes they can learn from each other, and change each other for the better and the things they have in common would further bring them closer, but does she think so?
He believes things could work, no matter how far apart, but does she? He thinks it’s worth it to give it a shot, take a chance for what could be a beautiful life story. He believes it’s worth it to keep hoping and believing even thou there is fear of disappointment, but does she? He hopes she would open her heart to him and have faith in him, but would she? He feels tired sometime, but his not giving up so easily, would she do the same? Two hearts, two souls, would they someday be one…? Someday some place…we shall know, whether their path crossed to bring pain or happiness.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Too funny not to share.

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.

It was my grandfather.

(By Jackie Mason)

Friday, October 06, 2006

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Discover core value -> define -> strategize and implement -> review

Discover core value

Discover what values that make me tick, that inspire me, what makes me happy.
What values what I was brought up with, values that make me live a fulfilled life, feeling satisfied. What I believe in…


Define those value in detail, how do they relate to me, how do I map it to my life, how do I practice it. Why is it a value I want to practice….have I practice it in the pass? What were the consequences of not practicing it…what are will be the benefits of practicing it.

Strategize and implement

Come out with a strategy for me to incorporate those values in my life, how do I encourage myself to practice those values? What is the best mechanism to help me track progress of practicing those values? How do I keep the fire burning and sustain it. What is the best strategy so I will succeed in practicing the defined core values?
What is the best strategy to keeping this process alive!? That I don’t loose momentum and be another on of my shelved self renewal and transformation project?


After every quarter I will review, the defined core value, how well did I practice and uphold, are the practice core value, really my core values? The results of practicing those core values. Any change of core value? Change of definition?

Copyright notice: Feel free to copy or distribute, as long you do not attach any copyright to this work or any derivatives of this work.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

To Someone Special to me..

i like it when you smile, it just melts my heart away
i like it when i can catch a glimpse of you soundly asleep in my car,it reminds me how beautiful life can be
i like it when u manja me to buy u ice-cream , it makes me happy i could make you happy
i like it when you blush, you jus look so cute
i like it when you get so excited about desert, you jus look so lovely
i like it when you are deep in thought , you jus look so beautiful
and when you look so tired and dissapointed, i really felt like jus hugging you u n tell u tat everything is going to be alrite
there is much more i wan to do with you...
i want to lie down on the grass and star gaze with you
i want to take a walk on beach an admire the beautiful sunset while enjoying the sea breeze with you
i want to take a walk with you early in the morning and enjoy the morning breeze
i want to take a walk down the beautiful lit up street during christmas with you
i want to hug u and keep you warm when it's freezing cold
i want to sit beside the lake with you to admire the beautiful reflection of the moon
i want to catch the beautiful new year eve firework with you while enjoy a glass of nice wine
i want to cook yer fav dish and see u smile when u enjoy it (i'm not good at cooking but i'll learn =p)
i want to sing a beautiful duet you, heart to heart
i want to experience new and wonderful things with you
i want to be there for you when u are feeling down
i want to be there with you when u experience the happy moments of life
i want to grow with you and face the challanges in life
i want to experience bitterness and sweetness of life with you
i want to make u feel safe and loved
i want to make promises to you and fulfilled them one by one
i want to be with you when we experience the love and grace of god
it doesn't matter where i have to go as long we can be togather
it doesn't matter where we could long we would be happy togather
i want to start a new begining with you...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A hundread broken dreams, a thousand is full of up and downs , as we search for wisdom, as we learn to be more calm and patient, as we learn to accept things as they are, as we learn to look at life at the ligther side....keep on hoping, keep on moving, put the past behind...some time you win, sometime you loose...thats just life .. as u get better at handling the up and downs, the happier u will be...

Monday, August 07, 2006


"Do you have a dream? i have , i dream about it everyday, sometime with disappointments , sometime with hope, sometime with emotions , sometime with excitements. I dream not of an event or an achievements, but i dream of a journey, a journey of fulfillments, a journey till my last breathe. In my dreams, i see the person i dream to be, the decision i will make, the emotions I will feel, the people around me , the character that i am , the things i will do, my believes and even the challenges i will face, As i gaze upon the city nightline, it struck me that i struggle to find myself in this bustling city, where for many pride and materialism is a relieve from cruel reality, yet it is a city so diverse with many inspiring people, the action seems so near yet so far, I vow to live my dreams day by day, but i know that all is in the hand of god. Many of you who are close to me will partially know what i mean, what my dreams are, and some of our dreams cross and weave together. I call upon you my frens,no matter how far apart, live you dream day by day, so we might weave our dreams together into a grand dream we all share.”

-Written once upon a time

Thursday, August 03, 2006

it's been ages since i blog, i jus dun have the mood, i jus dun have the energy, i'm not in the mood to elobrate why....i can;t say life has been really sucky, i can't say life has been good, i'm some sort stuck in between, i drag myself out of bed...i dun enjoy my job, i feel no passion, i dun feel for things anymore..i feel like my life is jus stagnant, like i'm going no where..i'm not fired up, i'm so frustrated, worst part is , u dunno wat u need to do turn things around, i wan't to believe god has a plan for me...but sometime i jus cant see wat he wants from me...sometime i jus feel lost and i question this where god want me to go? i'm jus so tired of thinking, i'm sick of the state of my life now...i want change...but i lack the will and the passion to do so...where can i get some? if only i can rekindle the passion i had for my dreams , the zeal i had for life..and remember it day by day..have the courage and the will to do what i want...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

hey folks, sorry i have been MIA for sometime, been real bz working and on the weekends i'm just either too tired or uninspired to blog... well guys remember my last blog, i was having hell of a shit time, well things seem to got better, after a month or so i found a job, soon i'll getting my car, moving out to a nicer place ,most things but not everything seems to happen as planned, it jus got a bit delayed,shit still happens every now and than, but its not as bad as before.I'm still optimisitc things will all turn out fine... jus a matter of time. By the end of the year i might not achieve everything i wanted, but i expect at least to achieve 70-80% of my goals.

As for other matters, i feel like im slipping further and further away from my some of closes frens, cos timing was always wrong, when i'm free, their not, when they are, i'm not or their half way around the globe, i really do miss them, my fren once told me... people walk in and out of your life, some would stay , some would not, it's true, but i hope i would at least get to choose who will stay, but in truth , things like that can't be helped, you can only try your best and hope for the best.I have frens around me, but still i feel lonely, i miss frens who i can really connect with me.It's like their now all so far away, going on with their own life,i wonder if they are feeling the same.Some ppl tell me that's part of growing, you know what, this part sucks!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

1st of all...before i start blogging, i would like to say... My Parents ROCKS! eeheh their super loving and caring parents!!

it's been a long time since i blog, alot of shit has happen, its seems the 1st quater of 2006, wasnt' such a good quater after all, how ever i am cautiously optimistic the rest of the year, will turn out fine if not great.. im not going to bable in full wat happen, and how bad it jus seems that when things seems good it all turn bad, i had badluck over and over again, there was always someting tat went wrong with wat i ever i planned, its like im jinx or wat!This is one of the toughest moment of my life, a fight to stay positive , a fight in hope that that the sky will shine again, a fight to keep believing in myself.In the end i shall prevail for....ashes of a great empire will give birth to another greater empire...

if there were no pain, would there be pleasure?
if there were no sadness, would there be happiness?
if there were no crushed dreams, would there be hope?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


In a moment a year has passed, a tremendous year of joy and tears. A year of many challenges that brought many changes. From the comforting bliss of my home to a city full of madness but also full of possibilities, from loosing weight to gaining it back, from graduating uni to taking up a crappy course meant to short change the Rakyat’s money, from a Jusco cheap labour to now more professional but even cheaper labour at Accenture, from driving to everywhere to now walking and taking to buses to anywhere.

The Story of a Boy

Sounds pretty bad huh? Not really, not until you hear the whole story,
So here goes, the story of a boy, called Nick. Nick came here as an immigrant, being homeless and all, his “Cimui” took him in as a refugee, fleeing from the boredness of his home town hoping to find excitement, career and who knows maybe even love. So little nick went job hunting eyeing those tough to get jobs, not wanting a boring job in any small time firm, thinking he has all it takes (he actually does, just a matter of time before all is unleashed, than a tremble will resonate across the corporate world). He landed a job with a big multinational, but little did he know that this Japanese multinational is not his cup of green tea. Being so happy that he was given the title of “management trainee”, he moves out from refugee camp and found himself a place. Sharing his apartment with a multimedia guy and a fitness buff who also happens to be a fitness trainer, After orientation, all seems good and bright, After few weeks only did he know what actually management trainee means in Jusco, It means multi-purpose do-it-all cheap labour, so cheap he had to carry stuff and at the same time do stupid documentations. The hours were long, the pay so little (RM1450 after epf), neither was there overtime or any other attractive remuneration.

He knew he had to get out. So he started looking or a new job, a few calls he did get, but before he could go for any interviews, he heard of a course fully paid for by government where he’ll learn all the “latest” language and framework, so he resigned from his job and took up the course. But still in doubt if he had done the right thing, since they were a lot of grads that are unemployed. Only recently he conceded it was the right decision, everyone in his batch has resigned (the last one this December). Excited he was about the course, only later to find out that his class had inexperienced lecturers who doesn’t know shit bout what they’re teaching. Worst still he was put into a class which was ahead for a month, furious he was, but soon took it up as a challenge to play catch up, even though he did catch up, he never mastered what he learned up to his own expectation. So along came his first project, he came up with a great idea and pitched it to his team, they liked it and made him project manager, excited he was little nick, he wanted to build a “perfect” application, so he worked hard, delegated some of the part which he thought was less critical. They were co-operative people but some were not so good in programming, some really didn’t understand his grand design. So what came up was an application half of his expectation. Never the less, he didn’t blame his team because he knew they had put in their effort, he reckon his mistake was he never monitored their progress enough or clearly communicated his expectation.

Then came the second project, he was rudely pushed into another group by his lecturer, than again determined not to let that keep him from trying to build another great application, he again came up with a great idea, he pitched it to his lecturer and then to his new team, they too think it was a great idea, so the current manager suggested he took over as project manager, but they was a problem with one of the group members, he was power gila, and insisted, he be made project manager, due to nick’s concern the project will abruptly screw up if the Mr. power gila became PM (It is rumored that Mr.gila is a Syok sendiri racist pig), so he used a few tricks in his book of nick ( for e,g the book of Screw with me, you die ; the book of F*ck off asshole and etc).He manage to rally a majority support for him to become Project manager. Determined not to make the same mistake, he articulated his design clearly in documents ,from class diagrams to database schema, than delegated the work out, opting to do the core of the application himself, but to his dismay, one group member never finish her module, Mr. Power gila deviated from the design and had his own variation of the database schema, and he never finished his part too! Frustrated he was that he felt like whacking them all. But he told himself, he tried his best, circumstances were not in his favor. From that day onwards, he swore he would try his every best not to work with incompetent people.

So after that, it was almost the end of his course, which required him to undergo a 3-month internship. He was accepted into Accenture as an intern and was placed on a database-warehousing project. On the first day he was excited, he met the team, all seem like very competent people, second day, he was thrown a task and given a deadline, than another task. He made quite a few silly mistakes, annoying his supervisor, than after that, it was all “self study” assignments, which made him bored, so bored, he actually wrote this piece, than he was given the responsibility to organize the team Christmas party, the pressure were on, because they would be invited guest, and the project manager insisted the party to be near perfect. But luckily, the team was pretty helpful, particularly one adorable cutie called D and his supervisor called O. And the story goes on……to the year of 2006

People Behind the Scene

VJ – a friend he met in Jusco, who resigned one week after nick and now working for one of the big 4 audit firms, regularly meets up with nick to have a nice chat bout finance and business stuff.

Cimui a.k,a not so straight buddy – The one who took the refugee in when he first came to KL and help him get in tune with crazy life in KL.

Hostel mate – too many to list , most of them Sabahan , and 2 Chinese, one a self centered assh*le he disliked, but soon moved out.

The gang – his bunch of home town friends whom he did a lot of crazy things with and share the same dream, but sadly he never really got to meet up with some of them for year of 2005, most of them scattered down under. Except one who is in KL but sadly exiled to semenyih.

The adorable cutie (D) – his newfound friend who he would bug when he has nothing better to do.

Mum & Dad – personal banker of nick, providing services such as cash on demand

Ka Che- his most matured close friend he usually rant to about anything and everything

Chie chie – Another one of his more matured friend who he sometimes do lunch or dinner with.

Sara – his musical friend who he always planned to go watch Philharmonic orchestra with but never realized

Steph – his kch fren who came to KL for love, once almost drove around the entire south side of KL looking for a famous mamak, but never found it.

Cindy – his long lost high school friend whom he often regards as the most goodie and nicest gal he knows.

Uncle – his real uncle who was in KL working as senior manager at one of the big 4 until he recently resigned and move down under, regularly takes little nick out for lunch or dinner when he was in KL.

And etc –If i didn’t list you; it’s not that your not important to me, I’m jus getting lazy.

Prospectus for the year of 2006

All in the year of 2006 seems better for nick; hopefully he will get a good job that pays well. He will be getting a car, finance by his personal banker on the condition he gets a job. He will than move out of his ratchet hostel and find a nice place to stay and continue trying to make his dream come true, he is truly bullish about the years to come.

To end this long winding Annual report, I would like to quote from myself in one of my blog posting dated July18 2005:

“Do you have a dream? i have , i dream about it everyday, sometime with disappointments , sometime with hope, sometime with emotions , sometime with excitements. I dream not of an event or an achievements, but i dream of a journey, a journey of fulfillments, a journey till my last breathe. In my dreams, i see the person i dream to be, the decision i will make, the emotions I will feel, the people around me , the character that i am , the things i will do, my believes and even the challenges i will face, As i gaze upon the city nightline, it struck me that i struggle to find myself in this bustling city, where for many pride and materialism is a relieve from cruel reality, yet it is a city so diverse with many inspiring people, the action seems so near yet so far, I vow to live my dreams day by day, but i know that all is in the hand of god. Many of you who are close to me will partially know what i mean, what my dreams are, and some of our dreams cross and weave together. I call upon you my frens,no matter how far apart, live you dream day by day, so we might weave our dreams together into a grand dream we all share.”

©2005 Nicholas Loh , Copyrights Reserved, Do not copy or redistribute , private content.
For legal reason, this work shall be considered as a parody or fictional and not factual in nature.

Happy New year and may the year of 2006 be one great year for all

Nicholas Loh

Monday, November 28, 2005

Bored at office
after having my industrial placement here for a week, today is the most boring of all! no jobs, no work, my assignment, "self study"
arghh...i am BORED!!! i don't know wat else to write, when i'm bored i'm not inspired to write...sorry guys, oh btw, i jus discovered all the funiture in the pantry are actually ikea funitures

Sunday, November 20, 2005

sorry guys, haven't blog for ages,quite bz lately, din even had time to blog about my kch trip,anyway i had a very good time,but after coming bck KL , it seems all hell has broke loose, my project was 50% disaster, its frustrating man, knowing tat u design it well, did your part well and than only to have other ppl screw it up,argghh i hate working with incompetent fellow in my group didn't do his part up to my spec,not only tat,he din follow the database schema i gave him, another member DID NOT COMPLETE her part,luckily i forseen things like tat to happen and did a majority of the system myself,or else i would not only had a non-complete system to present but a non-existence perverted system .well tats the pass..
anyway, now i'm having my industrial placment at accenture, really bz man,1st day there and they threw me a deadline already, but , in a way its good ,i like a good challange, almost can't meet the deadline, luckily did thanks to my sifue, almost everyday i worked till 8-9 at nite , not tat they forced me to, but i feel compelled to, since i had a deadline and their still all there working, it much more nicer working with a competent and dedicated team, unlike the previous team i worked with,its really rewarding, i'm probaly the less competent person in the team rite now,lol, i'm building the my job with out much understanding of how it actually works,using a development tool i had no idea it existed, made alot of stupid mistakes, kinda frustrating, but it's a challange, and i hope to change all tat, its really ironic,all the while i would be the one designing the system and communicating it to the other members and had them build it, but now i'm blindly following some one else's design.