Wednesday, May 30, 2007

3.17 a.m , i can't sleep, i gaze out of my balcony, they were stars, far away lightning flashing down.. but i can't hear any sound, such a surreal sight.Such power and might , it's strikes fears right into the heart...What has happen to me? Have i pussied out, what happen to the me which was so full of passion, so full confident that i felt the world is mine for the taking.where did the fire inside me go?where was the nick that grab life by it's horn and went full steam ahead, chasing his dream, striving for what he wanted.

Has work imprisoned me? has relationship shadowed me? that i can't no longer feel myself. Do i belong here?why do i put up with my boring mundane work..a waste of my life...why is there hesitation to just go out and grab what i want.what have became of me..like many thousand others, rushing, fearing, worrying and chasing someone else's dream.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Wind of change

Change can be exciting, especially when were bored with our current state of life,we yearn for something new.Change is also a double edge sword, Often we fear change, especially changes that are not expected, changes which we can't predict the consequences.It brings uncertainty into life, rarely with optimism which would help us see things in a more positive perspective, but often with paranoia, thinking of the worst that can happen.Personally for me,i fear change which would affect the people i hold dear in my heart.Changes which bring distance in between and status quo.I fear myself,I fear change that would subject me to behave in ways i would regret later.Change that would make me into the person i once dread to be.

Being a Christian we are always taught to embrace change, trust in him, god knows better than us.Everything is in his grand plan.We are to face uncertainty in his peace.Maybe i am a man of little faith.My head knows i should be in his peace in face of uncertainty, but my heart differs.Not with certainty and courage i say...i will struggle to be in his peace, but with doubt and fear, with imperfection, by his grace, may he mold me, to trust him more.To have unshakable peace and trust in my heart.