Another day has passed by, again I am filed with regrets with what I have done, what I have said, I have squandered another precious day, not being what I want to be, what I should be. I let fear took hold of me, I let residue of the past blurred my thoughts. Frustrated again I didn’t take hold of my own life, not living in faith. I let circumstances take charge of me, I let it drove me away from me. I am jus another passer by looking at my own life being driven. Tomorrow or days later, everything will be ok again; I would be given another chance at life. I will grow complacent again, I would do the same, driven again, until I crash. I am destroying myself over and over .I am stuck in a moment I can’t get out off. Lord what shall I do to break free? Guide me lord, never let me give up.

3.17 a.m , i can't sleep, i gaze out of my balcony, they were stars, far away lightning flashing down.. but i can't hear any sound, such a surreal sight.Such power and might , it's strikes fears right into the heart...What has happen to me? Have i pussied out, what happen to the me which was so full of passion, so full confident that i felt the world is mine for the taking.where did the fire inside me go?where was the nick that grab life by it's horn and went full steam ahead, chasing his dream, striving for what he wanted.

Has work imprisoned me? has relationship shadowed me? that i can't no longer feel myself. Do i belong here?why do i put up with my boring mundane work..a waste of my life...why is there hesitation to just go out and grab what i want.what have became of me..like many thousand others, rushing, fearing, worrying and chasing someone else's dream.

Wind of change

Change can be exciting, especially when were bored with our current state of life,we yearn for something new.Change is also a double edge sword, Often we fear change, especially changes that are not expected, changes which we can't predict the consequences.It brings uncertainty into life, rarely with optimism which would help us see things in a more positive perspective, but often with paranoia, thinking of the worst that can happen.Personally for me,i fear change which would affect the people i hold dear in my heart.Changes which bring distance in between and status quo.I fear myself,I fear change that would subject me to behave in ways i would regret later.Change that would make me into the person i once dread to be.

Being a Christian we are always taught to embrace change, trust in him, god knows better than us.Everything is in his grand plan.We are to face uncertainty in his peace.Maybe i am a man of little faith.My head knows i should be in his peace in face of uncertainty, but my heart differs.Not with certainty and courage i say...i will struggle to be in his peace, but with doubt and fear, with imperfection, by his grace, may he mold me, to trust him more.To have unshakable peace and trust in my heart.

point of origin

1st day 26th April
Here i am again, my home, my root, my birth,the starting point of my life.
Away from distractions ,work, peer influence, pressure,worries,circumstances, confusion, schedules and wishful desires.A place where i'll look back,with a clear point of view.Rediscovering me.A peril to a journey of thought and decisions.

Five for fighting - 100 years

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Alive again...

A lot has happened , my soul broken,spirit tired, my faith shattered, passion dried, courage subsided, creativity stiffened, a life with out meaning, a life in fear.i've forgotten who i am, what i stand for.

Alive, Alive , Alive...risen again i shall be , my soul fed,my faith stronger, passion fumed by fire, courage given,creativity flow again...for blessed i am by he who is blessed.Wisdom and peace he shall bestow upon me.Side by side he shall stand for eternity.Forgiven i am.From ashes i will rise, to once again serve him.Amen.

Many dreams, many hopes, many broken ones...they have all broken me in some way, i'm no more the person i use to be.I lost a big part of me.....it is time again to retreat home, to find my root again, to find wat i stand for..to find my zeal, oh sweet home, my sanctuary i'm coming home.....