Discover core value -> define -> strategize and implement -> review


Discover core value

Discover what values that make me tick, that inspire me, what makes me happy.
What values what I was brought up with, values that make me live a fulfilled life, feeling satisfied. What I believe in…

Define

Define those value in detail, how do they relate to me, how do I map it to my life, how do I practice it. Why is it a value I want to practice….have I practice it in the pass? What were the consequences of not practicing it…what are will be the benefits of practicing it.

Strategize and implement

Come out with a strategy for me to incorporate those values in my life, how do I encourage myself to practice those values? What is the best mechanism to help me track progress of practicing those values? How do I keep the fire burning and sustain it. What is the best strategy so I will succeed in practicing the defined core values?
What is the best strategy to keeping this process alive!? That I don’t loose momentum and be another on of my shelved self renewal and transformation project?


Review

After every quarter I will review, the defined core value, how well did I practice and uphold, are the practice core value, really my core values? The results of practicing those core values. Any change of core value? Change of definition?



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To Someone Special to me..

i like it when you smile, it just melts my heart away
i like it when i can catch a glimpse of you soundly asleep in my car,it reminds me how beautiful life can be
i like it when u manja me to buy u ice-cream , it makes me happy i could make you happy
i like it when you blush, you jus look so cute
i like it when you get so excited about desert, you jus look so lovely
i like it when you are deep in thought , you jus look so beautiful
and when you look so tired and dissapointed, i really felt like jus hugging you u n tell u tat everything is going to be alrite
there is much more i wan to do with you...
i want to lie down on the grass and star gaze with you
i want to take a walk on beach an admire the beautiful sunset while enjoying the sea breeze with you
i want to take a walk with you early in the morning and enjoy the morning breeze
i want to take a walk down the beautiful lit up street during christmas with you
i want to hug u and keep you warm when it's freezing cold
i want to sit beside the lake with you to admire the beautiful reflection of the moon
i want to catch the beautiful new year eve firework with you while enjoy a glass of nice wine
i want to cook yer fav dish and see u smile when u enjoy it (i'm not good at cooking but i'll learn =p)
i want to sing a beautiful duet you, heart to heart
i want to experience new and wonderful things with you
i want to be there for you when u are feeling down
i want to be there with you when u experience the happy moments of life
i want to grow with you and face the challanges in life
i want to experience bitterness and sweetness of life with you
i want to make u feel safe and loved
i want to make promises to you and fulfilled them one by one
i want to be with you when we experience the love and grace of god
it doesn't matter where i have to go as long we can be togather
it doesn't matter where we could be...as long we would be happy togather
i want to start a new begining with you...

A hundread broken dreams, a thousand dissapoinments...life is full of up and downs , as we search for wisdom, as we learn to be more calm and patient, as we learn to accept things as they are, as we learn to look at life at the ligther side....keep on hoping, keep on moving, put the past behind...some time you win, sometime you loose...thats just life .. as u get better at handling the up and downs, the happier u will be...

Remeberence....

"Do you have a dream? i have , i dream about it everyday, sometime with disappointments , sometime with hope, sometime with emotions , sometime with excitements. I dream not of an event or an achievements, but i dream of a journey, a journey of fulfillments, a journey till my last breathe. In my dreams, i see the person i dream to be, the decision i will make, the emotions I will feel, the people around me , the character that i am , the things i will do, my believes and even the challenges i will face, As i gaze upon the city nightline, it struck me that i struggle to find myself in this bustling city, where for many pride and materialism is a relieve from cruel reality, yet it is a city so diverse with many inspiring people, the action seems so near yet so far, I vow to live my dreams day by day, but i know that all is in the hand of god. Many of you who are close to me will partially know what i mean, what my dreams are, and some of our dreams cross and weave together. I call upon you my frens,no matter how far apart, live you dream day by day, so we might weave our dreams together into a grand dream we all share.”

-Written once upon a time

it's been ages since i blog, i jus dun have the mood, i jus dun have the energy, i'm not in the mood to elobrate why....i can;t say life has been really sucky, i can't say life has been good, i'm some sort stuck in between, i drag myself out of bed...i dun enjoy my job, i feel no passion, i dun feel for things anymore..i feel like my life is jus stagnant, like i'm going no where..i'm not fired up, i'm so frustrated, worst part is , u dunno wat u need to do turn things around, i wan't to believe god has a plan for me...but sometime i jus cant see wat he wants from me...sometime i jus feel lost and i question myself..is this where god want me to go? i'm jus so tired of thinking, i'm sick of the state of my life now...i want change...but i lack the will and the passion to do so...where can i get some? if only i can rekindle the passion i had for my dreams , the zeal i had for life..and remember it day by day..have the courage and the will to do what i want...

hey folks, sorry i have been MIA for sometime, been real bz working and on the weekends i'm just either too tired or uninspired to blog... well guys remember my last blog, i was having hell of a shit time, well things seem to got better, after a month or so i found a job, soon i'll getting my car, moving out to a nicer place ,most things but not everything seems to happen as planned, it jus got a bit delayed,shit still happens every now and than, but its not as bad as before.I'm still optimisitc things will all turn out fine... jus a matter of time. By the end of the year i might not achieve everything i wanted, but i expect at least to achieve 70-80% of my goals.

As for other matters, i feel like im slipping further and further away from my some of closes frens, cos timing was always wrong, when i'm free, their not, when they are, i'm not or their half way around the globe, i really do miss them, my fren once told me... people walk in and out of your life, some would stay , some would not, it's true, but i hope i would at least get to choose who will stay, but in truth , things like that can't be helped, you can only try your best and hope for the best.I have frens around me, but still i feel lonely, i miss frens who i can really connect with me.It's like their now all so far away, going on with their own life,i wonder if they are feeling the same.Some ppl tell me that's part of growing, you know what, this part sucks!

1st of all...before i start blogging, i would like to say... My Parents ROCKS! eeheh their super loving and caring parents!!

it's been a long time since i blog, alot of shit has happen, its seems the 1st quater of 2006, wasnt' such a good quater after all, how ever i am cautiously optimistic the rest of the year, will turn out fine if not great.. im not going to bable in full wat happen, and how bad it is...it jus seems that when things seems good it all turn bad, i had badluck over and over again, there was always someting tat went wrong with wat i ever i planned, its like im jinx or wat!This is one of the toughest moment of my life, a fight to stay positive , a fight in hope that that the sky will shine again, a fight to keep believing in myself.In the end i shall prevail for....ashes of a great empire will give birth to another greater empire...

if there were no pain, would there be pleasure?
if there were no sadness, would there be happiness?
if there were no crushed dreams, would there be hope?

Prologue

In a moment a year has passed, a tremendous year of joy and tears. A year of many challenges that brought many changes. From the comforting bliss of my home to a city full of madness but also full of possibilities, from loosing weight to gaining it back, from graduating uni to taking up a crappy course meant to short change the Rakyat’s money, from a Jusco cheap labour to now more professional but even cheaper labour at Accenture, from driving to everywhere to now walking and taking to buses to anywhere.

The Story of a Boy

Sounds pretty bad huh? Not really, not until you hear the whole story,
So here goes, the story of a boy, called Nick. Nick came here as an immigrant, being homeless and all, his “Cimui” took him in as a refugee, fleeing from the boredness of his home town hoping to find excitement, career and who knows maybe even love. So little nick went job hunting eyeing those tough to get jobs, not wanting a boring job in any small time firm, thinking he has all it takes (he actually does, just a matter of time before all is unleashed, than a tremble will resonate across the corporate world). He landed a job with a big multinational, but little did he know that this Japanese multinational is not his cup of green tea. Being so happy that he was given the title of “management trainee”, he moves out from refugee camp and found himself a place. Sharing his apartment with a multimedia guy and a fitness buff who also happens to be a fitness trainer, After orientation, all seems good and bright, After few weeks only did he know what actually management trainee means in Jusco, It means multi-purpose do-it-all cheap labour, so cheap he had to carry stuff and at the same time do stupid documentations. The hours were long, the pay so little (RM1450 after epf), neither was there overtime or any other attractive remuneration.

He knew he had to get out. So he started looking or a new job, a few calls he did get, but before he could go for any interviews, he heard of a course fully paid for by government where he’ll learn all the “latest” language and framework, so he resigned from his job and took up the course. But still in doubt if he had done the right thing, since they were a lot of grads that are unemployed. Only recently he conceded it was the right decision, everyone in his batch has resigned (the last one this December). Excited he was about the course, only later to find out that his class had inexperienced lecturers who doesn’t know shit bout what they’re teaching. Worst still he was put into a class which was ahead for a month, furious he was, but soon took it up as a challenge to play catch up, even though he did catch up, he never mastered what he learned up to his own expectation. So along came his first project, he came up with a great idea and pitched it to his team, they liked it and made him project manager, excited he was little nick, he wanted to build a “perfect” application, so he worked hard, delegated some of the part which he thought was less critical. They were co-operative people but some were not so good in programming, some really didn’t understand his grand design. So what came up was an application half of his expectation. Never the less, he didn’t blame his team because he knew they had put in their effort, he reckon his mistake was he never monitored their progress enough or clearly communicated his expectation.

Then came the second project, he was rudely pushed into another group by his lecturer, than again determined not to let that keep him from trying to build another great application, he again came up with a great idea, he pitched it to his lecturer and then to his new team, they too think it was a great idea, so the current manager suggested he took over as project manager, but they was a problem with one of the group members, he was power gila, and insisted, he be made project manager, due to nick’s concern the project will abruptly screw up if the Mr. power gila became PM (It is rumored that Mr.gila is a Syok sendiri racist pig), so he used a few tricks in his book of nick ( for e,g the book of Screw with me, you die ; the book of F*ck off asshole and etc).He manage to rally a majority support for him to become Project manager. Determined not to make the same mistake, he articulated his design clearly in documents ,from class diagrams to database schema, than delegated the work out, opting to do the core of the application himself, but to his dismay, one group member never finish her module, Mr. Power gila deviated from the design and had his own variation of the database schema, and he never finished his part too! Frustrated he was that he felt like whacking them all. But he told himself, he tried his best, circumstances were not in his favor. From that day onwards, he swore he would try his every best not to work with incompetent people.

So after that, it was almost the end of his course, which required him to undergo a 3-month internship. He was accepted into Accenture as an intern and was placed on a database-warehousing project. On the first day he was excited, he met the team, all seem like very competent people, second day, he was thrown a task and given a deadline, than another task. He made quite a few silly mistakes, annoying his supervisor, than after that, it was all “self study” assignments, which made him bored, so bored, he actually wrote this piece, than he was given the responsibility to organize the team Christmas party, the pressure were on, because they would be invited guest, and the project manager insisted the party to be near perfect. But luckily, the team was pretty helpful, particularly one adorable cutie called D and his supervisor called O. And the story goes on……to the year of 2006



People Behind the Scene

VJ – a friend he met in Jusco, who resigned one week after nick and now working for one of the big 4 audit firms, regularly meets up with nick to have a nice chat bout finance and business stuff.

Cimui a.k,a not so straight buddy – The one who took the refugee in when he first came to KL and help him get in tune with crazy life in KL.

Hostel mate – too many to list , most of them Sabahan , and 2 Chinese, one a self centered assh*le he disliked, but soon moved out.

The gang – his bunch of home town friends whom he did a lot of crazy things with and share the same dream, but sadly he never really got to meet up with some of them for year of 2005, most of them scattered down under. Except one who is in KL but sadly exiled to semenyih.

The adorable cutie (D) – his newfound friend who he would bug when he has nothing better to do.

Mum & Dad – personal banker of nick, providing services such as cash on demand

Ka Che- his most matured close friend he usually rant to about anything and everything

Chie chie – Another one of his more matured friend who he sometimes do lunch or dinner with.

Sara – his musical friend who he always planned to go watch Philharmonic orchestra with but never realized

Steph – his kch fren who came to KL for love, once almost drove around the entire south side of KL looking for a famous mamak, but never found it.

Cindy – his long lost high school friend whom he often regards as the most goodie and nicest gal he knows.

Uncle – his real uncle who was in KL working as senior manager at one of the big 4 until he recently resigned and move down under, regularly takes little nick out for lunch or dinner when he was in KL.

And etc –If i didn’t list you; it’s not that your not important to me, I’m jus getting lazy.


Prospectus for the year of 2006

All in the year of 2006 seems better for nick; hopefully he will get a good job that pays well. He will be getting a car, finance by his personal banker on the condition he gets a job. He will than move out of his ratchet hostel and find a nice place to stay and continue trying to make his dream come true, he is truly bullish about the years to come.




To end this long winding Annual report, I would like to quote from myself in one of my blog posting dated July18 2005:

“Do you have a dream? i have , i dream about it everyday, sometime with disappointments , sometime with hope, sometime with emotions , sometime with excitements. I dream not of an event or an achievements, but i dream of a journey, a journey of fulfillments, a journey till my last breathe. In my dreams, i see the person i dream to be, the decision i will make, the emotions I will feel, the people around me , the character that i am , the things i will do, my believes and even the challenges i will face, As i gaze upon the city nightline, it struck me that i struggle to find myself in this bustling city, where for many pride and materialism is a relieve from cruel reality, yet it is a city so diverse with many inspiring people, the action seems so near yet so far, I vow to live my dreams day by day, but i know that all is in the hand of god. Many of you who are close to me will partially know what i mean, what my dreams are, and some of our dreams cross and weave together. I call upon you my frens,no matter how far apart, live you dream day by day, so we might weave our dreams together into a grand dream we all share.”

©2005 Nicholas Loh , Copyrights Reserved, Do not copy or redistribute , private content.
For legal reason, this work shall be considered as a parody or fictional and not factual in nature.


Happy New year and may the year of 2006 be one great year for all


Cheers,
Nicholas Loh

Bored at office
after having my industrial placement here for a week, today is the most boring of all! no jobs, no work, my assignment, "self study"
arghh...i am BORED!!! i don't know wat else to write, when i'm bored i'm not inspired to write...sorry guys, oh btw, i jus discovered all the funiture in the pantry are actually ikea funitures

bzbzbbzbz
sorry guys, haven't blog for ages,quite bz lately, din even had time to blog about my kch trip,anyway i had a very good time,but after coming bck KL , it seems all hell has broke loose, my project was 50% disaster, its frustrating man, knowing tat u design it well, did your part well and than only to have other ppl screw it up,argghh i hate working with incompetent ppl...one fellow in my group didn't do his part up to my spec,not only tat,he din follow the database schema i gave him, another member DID NOT COMPLETE her part,luckily i forseen things like tat to happen and did a majority of the system myself,or else i would not only had a non-complete system to present but a non-existence perverted system .well tats the pass..
anyway, now i'm having my industrial placment at accenture, really bz man,1st day there and they threw me a deadline already, but , in a way its good ,i like a good challange, almost can't meet the deadline, luckily did thanks to my sifue, almost everyday i worked till 8-9 at nite , not tat they forced me to, but i feel compelled to, since i had a deadline and their still all there working, it much more nicer working with a competent and dedicated team, unlike the previous team i worked with,its really rewarding, i'm probaly the less competent person in the team rite now,lol, i'm building the my job with out much understanding of how it actually works,using a development tool i had no idea it existed, made alot of stupid mistakes, kinda frustrating, but it's a challange, and i hope to change all tat, its really ironic,all the while i would be the one designing the system and communicating it to the other members and had them build it, but now i'm blindly following some one else's design.

Landmark Case in malaysia?
The star oct 27
KUALA LUMPUR: Blind singer-cum-musician Alfred Ho was refunded half the price of a MP3 player he bought which he claimed was not user-friendly.

The Consumer Claims Tribunal president Jailani Rahman awarded RM350 to Ho for the RM699 MP3 Creative Zen Neeon player he had bought from Infoflex-I Sdn Bhd.

the SP war in brickfield and the peeing tom + hot pursuit

ah.. tats alot to blog bout in a single post, but hell tats bcos i haven not been blogging for a while, SP? wat is SP? SP stands for sound pressure, usually measured in db or decibel, Depavali is near, so u have all those stalls set up along brickfield selling depavali goods, as gimmick to attract customer, few of those stall set up big ass concert speakers, some even with DJ to attract customer, the annoying ting is their all trying to drown out each other, cranking it up to max volume, in the process anoying customer, any one walking nearby the speakers will suffer momentary loss of heaaring, prolong exposure would also result from momentrary to being upgraded to permanent..

Now the intresting part, the peeing tom, recently a fren told me very early in the morning he saw a gal change, and boy, he saw everyting, the gal din draw the curtain tinkin no one would probaly be lookin so early in the morning, he wasnt, bullshiting, it was caught on tape, but he was "ethical" enough to erase the footage after showing us..SO gAls, ALWAYS DRAW YOUR CURTAIN WHEN U CHANGE OR PLAN TO GET NAKED, u never know who's lookin, even at odds hours!! if you don't you might instantly be upgraded to celebrity status appearing in file swaps, internet site,emails and who knows..even VCD!

and oh yea..the hot pursuit, it was sat nite, my 1st blackout experience in KL,it was dam hot and noting to do, luckily my frens laptop was fully charged, so we decide to catch a movie on DVD, ,but suddenly there was a real show going in brickfields, police car were going around, police helicopters were going around with those big blinding searchlights, according to my housemate, he heard on radio there was an armed robery in brickfield, wat a perfect timing, jus when the black out occur in brickfield , there was a robbery, is it really prefect timing or isit planned? has malaysian criminals reach a point of sophistication tat they can induce a black out for robbery? man tats scary..

if someone ever wanna tell me bout my future, i'll ask if its good or bad, if its good rite... i'd say tat all i need to know, if its bad, i'd wan more details? know why? i tell tml! stay tuned ehehe

ans: If it's good, all i wanna know it's good, i dun wanna know the details, if i know it wun be fun anymore working towards my future, it's the journey and suprise tat makes life beautiful,if i know, they wun be countless beautiful possibilities,if it's bad , i wanna know the details, so i can do wat ever i can to make it jus a wat if tat never happen

if someone ever wanna tell me bout my future, i'll ask if its good or bad, if its good rite... i'd say tat all i need to know, if its bad, i'd wan more details? know why? i tell tml! stay tuned ehehe

ans: If it's good, all i wanna know it's good, i dun wanna know the details, if i know it wun be fun anymore working towards my future, it's the journey and suprise tat makes life beautiful,if i know, they wun be countless beautiful possibilities,if it's bad , i wanna know the details, so i can do wat ever i can to make it jus a wat if tat never happen

how's life folks? it's been mad for me, busy, intresting in an academic sense, in life sense..its boring as hell,, its all class and project, lots of stuff to do so little time, but i'm really looking forward to going back to kch, can't wait man, miss the food, miss my home, miss my family and frens...hope to see u all soon.

you know wat? now it will be easier for u to grab your cash anytime anywhere, maybank customers now can also withdraw their money from cashiers of participating merchants!! yes , u did hear rite! cashiers!! of cos u still be subjected to the usual RM1 meps charge. i cant really imagine, going to the cashier to withdrawl your money! and OH... did u know , now that google is worth more than indonesia's combined market equity !! a search engine is worth more than the world's 4th most populated nation, it's really cheap!! no wonder they have been a spate of aquisition of indonesian asset by malaysian companies, but it does come with a high risk premium given the many chaos indonesia can churn out from time to time, but if they can turn tings around, those who bought a "piece" of indonesia cheap will get really rich!

ubuntu!! the Linux distro with a mission

"Ubuntu" is an ancient African word, meaning "humanity to others". Ubuntu also means "I am what I am because of who we all are". The Ubuntu Linux distribution brings the spirit of Ubuntu to the software world.

The Ubuntu community is built on the ideas enshrined in the Ubuntu Manifesto: that software should be available free of charge, that software tools should be usable by people in their local language and despite any disabilities, and that people should have the freedom to customise and alter their software in whatever way they see fit.


it's cool...check it out!
http://www.ubuntu.com/

Project project project..im going nuts man! project back to back, less thn 2 weeks to finish a project! compliment of cosmopoint, they reallys screw up our schedule! if psmb finds out..i tink their gonna really get screwed!! It's so long since i blogged man, been so bz like mad, when i find the free time, im too tired to blog, or im at "home" wif out a pc wat more to say an internet connection!

anywya the recent events in parliment were very intresting, the case where 2 BN MP stood in support of Lim kit Siangs motion to refer our own "iron lady" to the privilage commitee is someting beautiful, its bipartisan democracy at work, but sadly the next day , action was to be taken againts them, crap man, wats wrong with standing up and and speak up for wat u believe in?? after all they are elected representative of the ppl! Can't a member of BN see eye to eye with the opposition, politicians should fight for public common good, not for jus the common good of the party! and jus yesterday , Datuk Shahrir called for the re-enactment of the Parliamentary Services Act 1963 for better palimentary autonomy,the call was unnanimously su the act was repealed in 1992, for wat reason , i dunno yet, would love to find out.but aint got the time rite now, i wonder if it was lim kit siang who called for the re-enactment, would it get tat kinda suport? would those who support the call get party whipping?

The new Beginning...


Hello guys and girls , leng lois and leng cais, Sisters and brothers and family, how are u all? im fine, very fine today..ehhee
sorry i haven bloged for such a long time , been really bz, had my project, its now history, now the documentation,another project is coming up soon, its like the projects are back to back..crazy man!!! jus had my interview , been studying like mad the past few days for the interview, the ironic ting there was not a single technical question at all!! anyway i got accepted into Accenture for indutrial placement, their office is at KLCC!! yea!! hahaa lvl 66, i can imagine the breathtaking view now.. =p excited man , hopefully i will perform well and be hired as permanent staff..i heard the pay is real good!! and oh guys if ur reading this..hi , i miss u guys! yes u heard it...i usually don say this , i miss u guys! i miss all the drinking and damai session, hope to see u guys soon, im going back during hari raya, so if any of u happen to be back then give me a call or someting la...

Racism in msia?
article pluck from http://diffy.blogspot.com/
---------------------------------------------------------------
I have been meaning to pen some thoughts for some time now, to let people actually read the views of the typical 'overseas Malaysian' who is kept away. I realise that my email is rather long, but I do hope that you would consider publishing it (and also keep my name private!).

I shall start by telling a little about my background. Mine is a rather sad tale - of a young Malaysian full of hope and patriotic enthusiasm, which is slowly but surely trickling away.

I am very different from many other non-bumiputeras, as I was given tremendous opportunities throughout my childhood. Born into a middle-class Chinese but English-speaking family, I grew up with all the
privileges of imported books, computers, piano/violin lessons and tuition teachers.

My parents insisted that I should be exposed to a multi-racial education in a national school. In my time, my urban national school (a missionary school)was a truly happy place - where the Malays, Chinese
and Indian students were roughly equal in proportion. We played and laughed with each other, and studied the history of the world together during Form 4, with one interesting chapter dedicated to Islamic history.

Though 75% of my teachers were Malays, I never really noticed. My Malay teachers were the kindest to me - teaching me well and offering me every possible opportunity to develop. I led the district teams for
English and Bahasa Malaysia debating competitions. I was the only non-Malay finalist in the Bahasa Malaysian state-level elocution competition. My Malay teachers encouraged me to transfer to a government residential school (sekolah berasrama penuh) so as to
enable me to maximise my academic potential. I refused because I was happy where I was, so they made me head prefect and nominated me as a 'Tokoh Pelajar Kebangsaan'.

Till this day, I am absolutely certain that it was the kindness of all my Malay teachers which made me a true Malaysian.

I excelled at school and was offered a Singaporean government scholarship to study overseas. I turned them down because I wanted to ensure that I would remain a 'true Malaysian' in the eyes of Malaysia.
So I accepted a Malaysian government scholarship to study at Oxford University. Throughout my three years as an undergraduate, the officers at the MSD looked after me very well, and was always there to offer
support.

I graduated with first class honours, and was offered a job with a leading investment bank. The JPA released me from my bond, so as to enable me to develop my potential. I shall always be grateful for that. I worked hard and rose in rank. My employer sent to me to Harvard University for postgraduate study and I climbed further up their meritocratic ladder.

Now I am 31 years old and draw a comfortable monthly salary of US$22,000. Yet, I yearn to return home. I miss my home, my family, my friends, my Malaysian hawker food and the life in Malaysia. I have been
asked many times by Singaporean government agencies to join them on very lucrative terms, but I have always refused due to my inherent patriotism.

I really want to return home. I have been told by government-linked corporations and private companies in Malaysia that at best, I would still have to take a 70% pay cut if I return to Malaysia to work. I am
prepared and willing to accept that. My country has done a lot for me, so I should not complain about money.

But of late, my idealistic vision of my country has really come crashing down, harder and faster than ever before.

I read about the annual fiasco involving non-bumiputera top scorers who are denied entry to critical courses at local universities and are offered forestry and fisheries instead. (My cousin scored 10A1's for SPM and yet was denied a scholarship).

I read about UMNO Youth attacking the so-called meritocracy system because there are less than 60% of Malay students in law and pharmacy, whilst conveniently keeping silent about the fact that 90% of overseas scholarship recipients are Malays and that Malays form the vast majority in courses like medicine, accountancy and engineering at local universities.

I read about the Higher Education Minister promising that non-bumiputera Malaysians will never ever step foot into UiTM.

I read about a poor Chinese teacher's daughter with 11A1's being denied a scholarship, while I know some Malay friends who scored 7A's and whose parents are millionaires being given scholarships.

I read about the brilliant Prof. K.S. Jomo, who was denied a promotion to Senior Professor (not even to Head of Department), although he was backed by references from three Nobel Prize winners. Of course, his talent is recognised by a prestigious appointment at the United Nations.

I read about UMNO Youth accusing Chinese schools of being detrimental to racial integration, while demanding that Mara Junior Science Colleges and other residential schools be kept only for Malays.

I read about the Malay newspaper editors attacking the private sector for not appointing enough Malays to senior management level, whilst insisting that the government always ensure that Malays dominate anything government-related.

I read that at our local universities, not a single Vice-Chancellor or Deputy Vice-Chancellor is non-Malay.

I read that in the government, not a single Secretary-General of any ministry is non-Malay. The same goes for all government agencies like the police, armed forces, etc.

I read about UMNO screaming for the Malay Agenda, but accusing everyone else of racism for whispering about equality.

I read about a poor Indian lady having to pay full price for a low-cost house after being dispossessed from a plantation, whilst Malay millionaires demand their 10% bumiputera discount when buying RM2 million bungalows in a gated community.

I read about my beloved national schools becoming more and more Islamic by the day, enforced by overzealous principals.

I read about my Form 4 World History (Sejarah Dunia) syllabus, which now contains only one chapter of world history, with Islamic history covering the rest of the book.

As I read all this, I tremble with fear. I love my country and long to return. I am willing to take a 70% pay cut. I am willing to face a demotion. I honestly want to contribute my expertise in complex financial services and capital markets. But really, is there a future for me, for my children and for their children? I am truly frightened.

I can deal with the lack of democracy, the lack of press freedom, the ISA, our inefficient and bureaucratic civil service, our awful manners and even a little corruption. But I cannot deal with racism in my homeland.

I think this is the single biggest factor which is keeping people like myself away. And bear in mind - there are so many of us (researchers, scientists, bankers, economists, lawyers, academics, etc.). What people read about in Malaysia (like Dr Terence Gomez)is but the tiniest tip of the iceberg. You will be amazed to know about Malaysians denied JPA scholarships (which would have made them civil servants), took loans to attend Ivy League universities, but who are later asked to advise our government (on IT, economics, etc.) at fees running to millions of US dollars. Such information will never be published because it is politically incorrect.

As a Christian, I pray for God's blessing on this great country of ours. I pray that He blesses our leaders with the foresight and humanity to see that this will not work and cannot continue. I pray that they will have the strength to make our country a home for all Malaysians and that they will have mercy for the poor, including the non-Malays. I pray for true racial harmony and acceptance (not just tolerance) in Malaysia.

Yours sincerely,
A very frightened Malaysian abroad